Week 10 - Lessons From Nick Consistency vs Perfection

   Consistency is more important that perfection.  I believe that our lives, our character, our circumstances are not formed by any single decision, but rather they are the result of our consistent behavior....that over time reveals a result.  For me, there are few places where this belief is more apparent than in raising my kids, especially Nick. 

I am totally certain that Nick's progress is the result of consistent effort driven by my commitment to all that is possible. We have good days and we have bad days but we are always, consistently pushing forward. I am constantly thinking about how I can do my best, and asking him to do his best, demanding that he do his best. In the process I have failed over and over and so has Nick. Nonetheless, I keep showing up, doing the same things and new things over and over.  All the while I believe, no I know, that one day - a day not determined by me - all the effort all the constant input of information, routines, expectations will pay off for him. It will also pay off for me because I get to know that I've done my best, that I never stopped trying. Even if I can't see the rewards now or they aren't what I want or hoped for, I know God does not give us weeds when we plant pumpkins. My effort is seeds, and my constant and consistent effort is what I exchange for regret and action is the only means to change.

Week 9 - Lessons From Nick "Box's Bring Comfort"

You don’t know you’re living in a box, until the bottom falls out.

Beware of box's. They don't just hold us in, they keep everything out.  

Stay Open...

Week 8 - Lessons From Nick

All good that can ever exist, exists today. 

There will never be more good in the world, than what’s here now. 

The only thing that changes is my ability to see it, to own it, 

to know it is always there and it is always mine for the taking. 

Week 7 Lessons From Nicky "Social Skills Trump Academics"

 Social Skills trump academics in my book.  Don't get me wrong academic's are important and I'm not trying to minimize them in any way.  When Nicky was still in elementary school it was his knowledge of his ABC's and words that gave me something to brag about, it was my entree to other kids and adults - it was his only measure of sameness, normality - and I relied on it.  But I never forgot what a far wiser parent had told me "academics are nothing without social skills". In other words if your child can't order food, ask a question, communicate with a friend, catch a bus, control aggression, say hello and goodbye, what difference will it make if he's the best mathematician in the world, he'll be isolated and alone.  

Week 6 Lesson’s from Nicky "Can you define happiness for another person?"

Nick goes one step farther, he doesn't
see the imperfections! 

Can we define happiness for another person?  I’m pretty sure I did, before Nicky opened my eyes. For example I assumed that people with severe disabilities, or special needs didn't, or couldn't live a happy life. I felt sad for their life, a life not at all like mine, a "typical" person.  Now 13 years into my journey with Nicky I see how ignorant I was, and I wonder, as I look at all of us with our typical lives, who's happier? So, I did a little compare and contrast. 

Here's me;  I'm happy I have a wonderful family, and I don't need for anything AND the my life is also full of responsibilities, stress and concerns. Not the least of which is I am good enough and will I have enough. I've worried or stressed about my job, my relationships, my security, taking care of my children, making enough money, wearing the right cloths, saying the right things, staying fit, credit card bills, divorce, being alone, was I polite enough to the person who served my food or helped me check out at the grocery store, cleaning the house, being good at my job, my sisters, my mom and of course the future. I get my feelings hurt, I put meaning to things that happen to me (the old he/she did this because), I carry the baggage of my past with me, and the list goes on. 

Here's Nick;  He's happy, he doesn't hold any grudges, getting back at someone is a concept totally unknown to him, he is free from the typical humanville baggage that comes from “how we think things should be” he laughs happy hysterical laughter every day at simple things, he's always happy to see people he loves,  he doesn't judge anyone, he loves all of us unconditionally. He gets frustrated about things in the moment has his tantrums and meltdowns, and when he recovers it's over. He's not worried about getting his drivers license, gang violence, drugs, wearing cool cloths, having a hot bod, great hair, saying all the right things or all the peer pressure stuff teens endure.  He seems to have no worries about the future, or distressing thoughts of what people think of him and I kinda doubt that he has any baggage!  Nicky is truly deeply happy and his greatest worry is…will he earn free-time, will he get more French fries and chicken, who will come to work/play with him, when will his sister come home, how can he sneak books, internet, videos or markers, and will today be a day we will let him make a list or go to the zoo or the library.  

I don’t know about you, but when I look at the lists side by side it's obvious he's happy and maybe even happier.  Once again…”I’m just saying J” 

Week 4 Lesson’s from Nick "Never Compare Kids"

      Comparing kids is never a good idea. But it was all I had in the beginning. It was the tool I used to imagine what might be ahead of us. I saw Nick's future in every child no matter if the child was doing great or severely challenged.  It was a terrible roller coaster of hope then despair, back to hope and back to despair and none of it was real.  Time and Nicky have made it very clear to me that he's not any of those kids, he's Nicky an unique person beyond measure.   My lesson, no good comes from comparing one child’s progress with another.  

Week 3 Lesson’s from Nicky "Why Me?"

Nick turns 3

     I don’t say “Why me?” when all the good things happen, how can I say “Why me?” when the "bad" things happen.  

   Things I know for sure; being alive means we all get something and so often the things we thought were really bad, are the things that define us.   

Week 2 - Lesson’s from Nicky, “Normalville”

1    If not for Nicky I would have never known how judgmental I was. I lived in my insolated land of “Normalville” judging people up one side and down the other, without even noticing. I had more opinions than grace. Thanks Nicky for giving me the many gifts that came with being kicked out of town!