Why Do We Send Teens With Autism To School?

Before you read this I am going to ask a favor, stay calm. You might even want to put your hand under your chin to catch it when it drops, in the event these comments shock you. 

I just heard this "Your son is never going to be independent, so why are you so concerned about him working? He's never going to be able to hold down a job. I mean he can't get seem to get by without one to one support. Are you sure it isn't a waste of time and you're not just pushing to have him learn things he will never really use, and maybe doesn't even care about?. I mean I understand your wanting the best for him, and that's great, but how do you know you're just not wasting both of your time chasing a life he will never live?" 

I was frozen for what seemed like forever, and I fought to push away the tremendous greif I felt hearing her words. I didn't feel angry because I really did hear this persons compassion, albeit misguided and uninformed. 

Finally I said, because he deserves as much opportunity to live his best life as anyone else!!. Then I just starting rambling and it went something like this. From the day our kids are born we start thinking about school. Why do we send our kids to school? To learn, and why do we want them to learn? So they can get a job. And, why do we want them to get a job or have a career? We want them to be able to survive, care for themselves, make friends, take pride in accomplishment and have purpose, both of which society tells us will bring happiness. We want the best for our kids. I want the same for my son and he deserves the same. There are many people who are not living quote "Successful" lives in this world who no one questioned their right to have access to learning all they could, and exposure to opportunities. Nick is a unique person, with skills and talents and he deserves the opportunity to build the most independent life he can. So that's what I am fighting for. And if he is never able to do it alone, so be it. At the same time everything he learns to do, everything that makes him more independent, gives him an opportunity to contribute to society and reduces how much financial support he will need from me and state and federal resources. 

In a nutshell, Nick being given the opportunity to be his best is the right thing to do on a human level, and it's the right thing to do on a financial level. 

Child With Autism Disrupts Broadway Show - Star Response Surprises People

Broadway Star Takes a Compassionate Stand After Child With Autism Disrupts His Show

·         By GENEVIEVE SHAW BROWN

Kelvin Moon Loh is seen backstage at the St. James Theatre in this file photo, Nov. 17, 2014, in New York.

Theater goers might think it's the cast of the show that's outraged by a disruptive audience member. But in the case of Kelvin Moon Loh, who is currently in Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The King and I" at Lincoln Center in New York, that wasn't the case at all. http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/broadway-star-takes-compassionate-stand-child-autism-disrupts/story?id=34031626

In a Facebook post from Wednesday, Loh writes of an incident that took place at the afternoon matinee.  It starts out, "I am angry and sad." The post has been shared more than 6,000 times so far.

"I am angry and sad. Just got off stage from today's matinee and yes, something happened. Someone brought their autistic child to the theater.

That being said -- this post won't go the way you think it will. You think I will admonish that mother for bringing a child who yelped during a quiet moment in the show. You think I will herald an audience that yelled at this mother for bringing their child to the theater. You think that I will have sympathy for my own company whose performances were disturbed from a foreign sound coming from in front of them.

"No. Instead, I ask you -- when did we as theater people, performers and audience members become so concerned with our own experience that we lose compassion for others?

"The theater to me has always been a way to examine/dissect the human experience and present it back to ourselves. Today, something very real was happening in the seats and, yes, it interrupted the fantasy that was supposed to be this matinee but ultimately theater is created to bring people together, not just for entertainment, but to enhance our lives when we walk out the door again.

"It so happened that during 'the whipping scene,' a rather intense moment in the second act, a child was heard yelping in the audience. It sounded like terror. Not more than one week earlier, during the same scene, a young girl in the front row- seemingly not autistic screamed and cried loudly and no one said anything then. How is this any different?

"His voice pierced the theater. The audience started to rally against the mother and her child to be removed. I heard murmurs of 'why would you bring a child like that to the theater?' This is wrong. Plainly wrong.

"Because what you didn't see was a mother desperately trying to do just that. But her son was not compliant. What they didn't see was a mother desperately pleading with her child as he gripped the railing refusing- yelping more out of defiance. I could not look away. I wanted to scream and stop the show and say- "EVERYONE RELAX. SHE IS TRYING. CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT SHE IS TRYING???!!!!" I will gladly do the entire performance over again. Refund any ticket because for her to bring her child to the theater is brave. You don't know what her life is like. Perhaps, they have great days where he can sit still and not make much noise because this is a rare occurrence. Perhaps she chooses to no longer live in fear, and refuses to compromise the experience of her child. Maybe she scouted the aisle seat for a very popular show in case such an episode would occur. She paid the same price to see the show as you did for her family. Her plan, as was yours, was to have an enjoyable afternoon at the theater and slowly her worst fears came true.

I leave you with this -- shows that have special performances for autistic audiences should be commended for their efforts to make theater inclusive for all audiences. I believe like Joseph Papp that theater is created for all people. I stand by that and also for once, I am in a show that is completely FAMILY FRIENDLY. The King and I on Broadway is just that -- FAMILY FRIENDLY - and that means entire families -- with disabilities or not. Not only for special performances but for all performances. A night at the theater is special on any night you get to go.

"And no, I don't care how much you spent on the tickets."

Commenters on Loh's post were overwhelmingly supportive:

"I wish you guys would have stopped your set in support of the mother. She should never have had to leave the show because of those in the audience who disapprove of her child. Instead those other close minded people should have been forced to leave."

"Feeling all the feels. Just beautiful."

"Your perspective is a beautiful reminder for all of us to live with compassion and empathy for ALL PEOPLE."

And another simply wrote, "Bravo."

Depak Meditation and Autism - We are all connected...even those so many think can't connect.

An amazing moment. I was seated watching Depak as I joined in on todays Global Meditation on compassion. Nick walked in and said "It's Dr. Depak Chopra!"  I looked at the screen to see if his name was visable, and it was not.  I've never talked to Nick about Depak, so I asked "How do you know Depak?"  He said " PBS So Cal Dr. Chopra".

OMG.... Nick went through a period of turning on PBS when he went to bed at night. I knew that his amazing brain was just recording the information, recording it and saving it, and it would all be shared at some time.

Today was one of those times! It was incredible! Nick sat with me and did the meditation and the mantra. I don't have the words to express how special this moment was.

Thank you Depak :)
Thank you PBS So Cal

We are all connected...even those so many think can't connect.

Namaste!