What Wikipedia Can't Tell You about Autism and Graduation Ceremonies

I know I'm late to the graduation party, but I didn't want to miss sharing this. 

On graduation day I invited friends and family and therapists to come so we could all cheer and celebrate this momentous day we all worked so hard for.  Huddled together on the bleachers we were all excited screaming "Go Nick", clapping and cheering as he walked out to take his seat. We were just like all the other families celebrating each graduates success and the joy of knowing this was the beginning of what we all hoped would be an exciting chapter for our children, the dawn of a new day.

As the valedictorian talked about their future, what each student will do next, the contributions they will make to the world, and the thrill of the academic, personal and professional journey ahead, something snapped in me, and my excitement was gone. My stomach tightened as a wave of profound sadness, borderline nausea passed through me and I went from feeling like all the other parents to an actor in a play, a fraud an imposter pretending to be like the other parents, pretending to fit in because this sounded nothing like Nick’s future, nothing like our life.  I put my head down to cover my face and hide the tears flowing from my eyes. 

I stopped hearing or seeing the ceremony as my mind began racing with thoughts “What the hell! Am I crazy? What am I celebrating? Nick is walking but he’s not getting a diploma. He’s not like these other kids. What future, mall walker!!!? This is not the start of an exciting future for Nick we’re just getting closer and closer to the world where there is no place for him, a world where one day I won't be here to protect him!”  And all of the joy of the moment evaporates. I tell myself to snap out of it and I pick up my head and go back to watching the ceremony. I do the right thing, and I yelled in support as he walked across the stage.

Finally, the ceremony ends and we all rush down to the field.  I’ve put on my happy face, still unable to silence the thoughts in my head and the grief I'm feeling.   

Then, I see Nick who is exploding with joy and what looks like pride as he jumps and smiles and laughs clutching his certificate.  His joy is so big, so infectious my grief vanishes and I realize this is the point, this moment, these feelings right now and not what is next. It doesn’t matter if he isn’t like the other students, it doesn’t matter if his future won’t be like theirs, it would not be like theirs even if he was typical. It doesn't matter if he isn't holding a diploma or know what all of this means.  The truth is each student faces the unknown, just as much as Nick does, some will have a better future, so will not. But I do know what every parent wants most is for our child to be happy, and mine was probably the happiest one there!  

I watch everyone congratulate Nick, I see my beautiful happy boy and I am so relieved I didn’t let all the thoughts in my head, and my concerns for his future, rob me of the joy of the moment.  Note to self, the past is gone, the future is unknown, so remember mama to stay in the now, or risk missing something pretty damn amazing!

Do Alternative High School Curriculum's Improve Outcomes?

Watch Nick sing with the general education choir, and you tell me?

Everytime I push the envelope working to get more for Nick, I pray for more than a paper cut! Recently it's been all about not letting him graduate a social functional illiterate; which meant getting the district to work with me to build an alternative curriculum. They agreed and we built a schedule which got him out of the classroom and in settings where he could work on generalizing and using the skills he has already learned. 

One of his classes on our alternative curriculum is Choir, this year was his second year. Year one, he became aware of more songs and now listens to a greater body of music. When it came to the school performance last year, he was happy to go and get on stage, but he didn't sing he just swayed happily!. Which I was thrilled about. 

This year he got up on stage, still swayed and sang every word. He worked hard, and he delivered with all typical peers! So proud. 

The Truth About Autism, Vocational Skills and the Road to Independence

The truth about autism, vocational skills and the road to independence, is school isn't enough. People, including teachers will underestimate your child, which means your child may not be given a chance to reach their potential if you can't prove what they are capable of. Our kids could be in school all day and never learn what they need to individually achieve their greatest level of independence.  Its all about show and tell, the skills have to start at home, and they have to start early. We have to show and tell everyone what he/she can do and then prove it. 

We began with vacuuming when he was 10. 

People tell me all the time "I wish my kids would do as much as Nick".  He's quite impressive for a teen boy - any teen for that matter - when it comes to chores. I am so proud of how helpful Nick is now, but when we introduced chores when he was 10, I wasn't thinking about how great it would be to have help around the house.  My only thought was working and doing is his only road to independence and tiny steps toward teaching vocational skills.  It's been slow and we have been relentless fashion, but it will have been worth it if it increases his independence much less and God willing results in a job! But, enough with talking about it these pictures tell the story :). 

Then we added after you eat, clear the table, and then feed the dogs. Then clean up after the dogs....Then taking out the trash and empty the recycle bin and the pattern continued from when he was ten until today.  Here's what it looks like now..

• Feed the dogs 

• Give the dogs water

• Clean up after the dogs in the yard

• Put clean silverware away

• Take the trashcans out on trash pick up day

• Organize cloths for the week

• Empty Dishwasher

• Gather his dirty laundry

• Sort mom's filing alphabetically (new I'm tapping into this love for letters)

• Shed papers
• Take out trash and recycle

Then we read "Little Red Hen"
& motivated his to learn how to cook 
the treats he wanted to eat! 

Then  taking him to the Grocery Store and 
having him get me what I needed. 

And Cleaning up after the dogs 

 Now he's working in the School Garden 

 AND HE'S WORKING IN THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA!!

AND YES, WE ARE ALL EXHAUSTED!!!  BUT IT'S BEEN WORTH IT BECAUSE...

NOW NICK HAS A ROUTINE HE EXECUTES EVERYDAY!!!