Judge States "Boys will be Boys" As Justification for Rape & Assault of Special Needs Student

Not 1, or 10 but 30 Witnesses confirmed this special needs teen was assaulted. 

If you read this and you're as upset as I am, not just as a mom of a person with special needs, but as a person who believes in justice and human rights, then, please....

Sign the petition

On October 22, 2015 a mentally disabled, African American high school student was sexually assaulted by his classmates in a nearly all white Dietrich High School in Idaho. John Howard, 18, Tanner Ward, 17, and one other unidentified member of the football team lured the victim into a school locker room, promising him hugs, stripped him, forcefully inserted a clothes hanger into his rectum, then kicked it deeper into his rectum — causing internal injuries.

When this case was initially reported, and it was announced that John Howard was being charged with felony rape, the possible penalties were as severe as life in prison. It seemed like some semblance of justice was imminent. The school superintendent interviewed 30 witnesses and confirmed that the teen was sexually assaulted. Prosecutors agreed with their investigation — which also determined that the victim was also called “Kool-Aid,” “chicken eater,” “watermelon,” and even “n----r” by students at the school.

In spite of all of this evidence, this week John Howard was given the break of his life. Instead of getting life in prison for what he did, he won’t be going to jail for 10 years or five years or a year or six months or even a day. Instead, he’s getting two years of probation and 300 hours of community service. With good behavior, the judge said his record could be expunged. He’ll also be allowed to do his community service in his new home in Texas where his family peacefully relocated.

Judges in Idaho can reject plea deals if the proposed reduced charges and sentencing does not match the crime. It is disturbing that these criminals are walking our streets. Mental health services were not addressed as they should have been mandated. It is not normal to shove a hanger up another person's rectum. This isn't a case of "boys will be boys" yet the sentence depicts that cultural attitude. Please assist us in removing Judge Randy Stoker today by signing our petition. 

Unexpected Dangers for Nick on the Road to Independence

Don't eat raw meat! 

Just uncovered another of the seemingly never ending dangers facing Nick on the road toward independence (or his definition of it).  Nick doesn’t know raw food is dangerous and you don’t eat it! 

Nick stood in our kitchen, went in the refrigerator, pulled out bacon and started eating it, RAW, and no one even noticed. His behaviorist, was right there and didn't see or say a thing. His sister walked by and screamed “Stop”, horrified at seeing the raw meat hanging out of his mouth. Thank goodness she caught it.

I’m still a bit freaked out. I'm not sure if the most upsetting to me was that I had never thought about it, or the realization of all the things he has yet to learn.

We all know bacon is one of those meats you can't eat raw! Eating uncooked bacon exposes you to bacteria as well as parasites and can cause either bacterial infections or trichinellosis, also called trichinosis, a parasitic infection.  Nick already has gastro challenges, can't imagine adding this to his problems!

Moldy bread is a good place to start

Next up teaching Nick about bad and raw food, which is not going to be easy. There are lot's of raw foods we can eat, and others we cannot and they lack any consistent reason why.  I think I'll start with teaching about bad food, because it can be easily created and introduced one food at a time and my refrigerator seems to produce an endless supply! 

Advocate, Don't Discriminate!

I don't know about anywhere else but here in hot LA teenage boys typically don't smell so great all the time, especially after PE. This isn't me giving the boys a bad time, it's just how it is and it's easily proven by a quick stroll down a high school hall when it's crowded with kids, or by just popping your head into the locker room for a few seconds. Yikes!!!  

So riddle me this Batman. On what planet would a teacher send a special ed kid - who has a one on one aid - to the nurse's office for body odor?  What is the nurse going to do? Examine him for extraordinary odors?! Then what? Again, maybe it's just me but, it seems if a kid really smelled that bad there were simple solutions vs humiliating him and sending him to the nurse who could do little or nothing. For one, the aid could simply take the kiddo into the bathroom to wash up. Or, in this case call his at home mom and ask if she could bring him a new shirt and some deodorant.  

Have you ever heard of a typical teen boy being sent to the nurse for body odor?  If this was the case, we would have to double up on school nurses to meet the demand, LOL!

This is crazy making to me and, pardon the pun smells of injustice! The kind of unconscious bias our kids in special ed face every day. Just sadder when the ones with the bias are the ones who are supposed to be looking out for our kids. 

OMG, Who wouldn't want that Kid!!!!

Really?!, Who wouldn't want a teenager who...

Is joyous and laughing most of the time instead of complaining.

Never holds a grudge

Never lied to you.

Never rolled their eyes in disgust, made that awful "tisk" sound with their tongue, or looked at you as if you were crazy because you asked them to do something.

Could not care less about wearing "Labels" to impress their peers.

You can spend $5.00 or $500 for their birthday or Christmas, and they are just as thankful.

Has a great sense of humor.

Always let's their sibling take the front seat!

Isn't embarrassed to be seen with mom.

Has an incredible memory, seemingly fondly remembers everyone they ever met.

Never gossips, or puts down other people.

Judges people based only on how they treat others; not where you live, how you look, how much money you have, how popular you are or what you drive.

Treats everyone the same no matter their race, age, intelligence, or physical appearance.

Would never join a gang or get mixed up in the wrong crowd.

Feels remorse when they make you mad.

Almost never complains about doing daily chores.

Oh, and when they are sick will take really nasty tasking medicine without complaining.





Well I have one, Nick!!

So to all of you who ask "How do you do it?" or think my life is so hard, consider that.

and

because she see's this, even when she wants to toss him out, I also have an angel is his sister!

Puberty Part III - Managing Masturbation "Go Squish In Your Room" Is Working!!!

"Go Squish In Your Room" Is Working!!!  

Continuing on the topic of puberty, specifically as it relates to my son and his private parts; I'm happy to report that our strategy to contain a certain behavior to a designated place is working!  If you've not faced the upset of inappropriate behavior in public with your kids, this may not seem like a big deal, and I get it. However this has not been the case for me. This aspect of puberty has been very upsetting for me and my family and finding a solution feels like a giant victory. We not just solved the problem of this moment, we've created a self management skill that will help to keep him safe for a lifetime. 

This is the plan we put into place after deciding the school bathroom was not where Nick could respond to his hormone driven urges :).

Operation SQUISH

Step one: Give the behavior a name.
We named it "Squishing" because pillows tend to be involved.

Step two: Create a safe and acceptable place for "Squishing", all the while treating Nick with respect.
We choose his bedroom, with the door closed.

Step three:  Introduce the term.
In our case Nick was open for touching his privates anytime and anyplace. So teaching him the name for it was easy. Every time he began the behavior we named it, by saying "No Squishing" if we were out of the house or "If you want to Squish, go to your room" if we were at home.

Step four:  Implement the Rule.
The rule is "Squishing in your room only with the door closed". As soon as we knew Nick understood the rule, we began by prompting him whenever we saw him begin the behavior "If you need to Squish please go to your room".

Step four: Drop the Prompt.
Three weeks after introducing it Nick began asking to go to his room. We didn't instantly know it was because he wanted to go Squish, but we figured it out pretty quick. He was implementing the rule on his own, and we were able to drop the prompt.

Now with an occasional reminder and he's totally self managing!!! Yippee.

Good luck moms and dads!

FYI...Mom's don't look up Managing Masturbation in Google as a way to get more info! You'll find out really fast the shocking power of the internet. Stick with terms like Special Needs and Sexual Education. :)

The Number of Adults with ASD is Expected to Increase by 1,292% by 2020

Store Clerk????

Yesterday Nick saw a new doctor. As goes the routine, I described autism as defined by Nick. When the doctor told me that Nick was doing great, as compared to so many of his other clients, there was no part of me that jumped up to applaud our progress.  Instead, I thought about how much further I wish Nick was. We are doing pre-vocational training teaching him to shop and do daily chores, which he now does flawlessly.  Yet, my first thought was had I done all I could, was it enough to make a difference. Then I got really sad as I thought about all the boys he must be talking about who will enter adulthood without even the “life skills” Nick has.  For the hundredth time I thought dear God, what’s going on with our almost adult boys, what is this doctor seeing? When I got home I looked up stat’s and here’s what I found.   

The Number of Adults with ASD is Expected to Increase by 1,292% by 2020, and no one is prepared. 

An estimated 80 percent of autistic Americans receiving services are under the age of eighteen. In front of us is a tsunami of young adults, who once they hit their 21st birthday, all of the support that they had from school or behavioral health services comes to a screeching halt, which translates into actual negative outcomes for autistic adults. 

From 2005 to 2010, there was a 179 percent increase in autistic adults, and that number is expected to increase by 1,292 percent by 2020, according to the Department of Public Welfare.

Most states have minimal state-funded programs for autistic individuals over 21. Pennsylvania, a leader compared to the rest of the country has only 2, who collectively, only helped 456 out of about 7,000 autistic adults in 2012.

This lack of adult services is chronic in the US where one in four adults with autism reported that they needed, but were not receiving vocational training, career counseling or supported employment and more than 50 percent reported an unmet need for mental and emotional health services in general.

Imagine the future when this generation of disabled children becomes dependent on the taxpayers for their support and care. Or, a world where they live in institutions and are lined up along walls to get their showers by way of violent fire hoses.  Sound unbelievable, it's not. That was the life in the late past of the last decade.  

We can make a difference. We have too. 

People with Autism in Demand by Employers

Maybe Nick will work in a store...one day. 

I’m thinking about employment and training. I'm looking for examples, rays of hope and encouragement to believe in and share. 

If you have any stories, know of any projects or have seen a program that's working, let's celebrate the successes and let people know what's out there. Please post in comments or send the information to me to post.  Help me spread good news to the more than 10,000 families who read this website monthly looking for our perspectives.

Here’s what I found today on the Autism Speaks website, pass it on...

People with Autism in Demand by Employers

People with autism are becoming increasingly more in demand by employers seeking a 'competitive advantage.'

SAP, a German computer software company, recently launched a recruitment for people with autism to test their products.  

To continue reading this article visit here.

Autism Speaks has created an Employment Tool Kit designed to help you research, find and keep employment in the current, competitive labor market. Stories, tips and resources were developed from a collaboration of people, including adults with autism, dedicated to increasing the employment participation of adults on the spectrum! For more employment and adult resources visit here.

Thinking differently: Autism patients in demand by employers

Autism "What's in a Name"

Say goodbye to “Nicky” and hello “Nick” or “Nicholas”.  It's just another clear sign that all boys grow up and the names of endearment we gave them - that were so appropriate just a few years ago - have to be cast aside.  

For a lot of people this tweaking of a name may go unnoticed, passed off as a routine part of every child’s transition to adulthood.  But for this mom it’s another milestone, a reminder that Nick is growing up and the realities facing him as an adult with autism. Parenting a son whose age tells one story and his behavior yet another doesn't feel like a natural evolution to me. Yet, I know it’s necessary and even totally appropriate to help him remain in step with society, aligned with this typical peers.  

So, I’ll get over it! Who knows, although he has not told me so, maybe he likes “Nick” better.  

What do I know. This is just my story, not his!