Monday, April 28, 2008

It's Not Denial, It's Hope and Survival!

I don't spend too much time thinking about the future when it comes to Nicky. I would rather focus on the present where I can live in a place dominated by hope and possibility.

I get that some people call that "denial" and maybe it is. I hear people when they ask me “Am I planning for the future” as if to say “have you really accepted the severity of his disability and his need for life long care”. The answer is "yes, sorta". I’m planning just like I plan for my daughters future. I am putting money aside and I have a special needs trust. I know I have to prepare for the likelihood that he will need life long care, but I don’t have to pick out the facility. I prefer to prepare like people prepare for an earthquake in California, we all know it will happen someday, but we don’t live in fear of it everyday.

I really only live one day at a time. I give him all I have in hopes that maybe, just maybe all the therapy will create that magic connection or they will find a cure. Right now, short of a cure the unknown is my friend, it tells me never say never. The truth is nobody knows what causes’ Autism, they don’t know why my son has autism so they don’t know if it can be cured. To me that means maybe it can. So I do every therapy I can, treat him as normal as I can, fight like hell to give him the best shot at life and I move forward everyday treating him like a great kid who’s future is full of possibility, because from that perspective there is hope, and hope keeps me sane.

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