Do People with Autism Lack Empathy and Compassion?

Perhaps we need to ask more questions before accepting the premise that individuals with ASD lack empathy and compassion. 

This picture of Nick, with his best childhood friend Joey, clearly shows that our kids do show compassion and care for each other. I don't remember what was happening with the boys when this picture was taken, but clearly Nick knew something was wrong, and wanted Joey to put his head back up, and go back to being Joey. I agree that our spectrum kiddo's do not always respond with empathy or compassion in the traditional manner, or in ways that socially appropriate or useful in emergencies. However, I think we take a big leap when we decide our kiddo's do not experience empathy. This picture makes me think and I wonder, maybe their experience is not nonexistent, is just not the same as ours? Maybe they are experiencing it but do not comprehend their own emotions. Maybe they lack the language to express them. Maybe the knowledge that sharing their emotions are important.

Response from Joey's mom and hour after this post...Well, we all know that our kids are actually empaths, and that is also part of the reason why they avoid contact sometimes - they get overwhelmed with others' emotions!  Scott said that picture was taken once when he took the boys out for lunch, and Joe was being snippy, and Scott kinda put him in his place.  Joe put his head down in shame, and Nicky wanted him to not cry.  So, so, so sweet.

Bullies without Boundaries! Ice Bucket Challenge turned into sick joke against teen with autism

How is it that some people always find a way to turn something wonderful into something horrific. Once again, one of our unsuspecting kids who could never conceive doing something so horrible to another person is abused. So sad. I am speechless. 

**Important note: The family asked that we show the video to make other parents aware of bullying.**

BAY VILLAGE, Ohio – Police are investigating an alleged case of bullying involving a teenager with autism who took the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

“Once we found out about it, we were just horrified,” said Diane, the mother of the Bay High School student.  She claimed her youngest son was videotaped as feces, urine, spit and cigarette butts were dumped on his head by a group of juveniles.

“I want these kids held accountable for what they did to him and they targeted somebody who just didn’t really understand what was going on,” she said.

FOX 8 News is not identifying the family by last name to help protect their son.

According to the victim’s mom, Diane, the video was discovered on her 15-year-old son’s cell phone. She, along with her husband and other son, Jacob, wants it to be made public.

“I mean, the first thing that popped into my mind was like, why could someone – how could someone do this?” said Jacob. “How could someone really be this cruel to someone?”

In the video, the boy with autism is seen standing in the driveway of a home off school grounds. He’s wearing only his underwear as a bucket of fluid is poured from the roof of the garage. The bucket allegedly contained a mix of bodily fluids instead of ice water.

“He was embarrassed because he did not know what the contents were until afterwards and then he didn’t want anybody to know,” said his mom. “They used his phone to tape it and they put it up on Instagram.”

“This is just too far. It’s really bad,” said his brother, Jacob.

The Bay Village Police Department was made aware of the alleged incident on Wednesday. According to Det. Kevin Krolkosky, criminal charges could be filed.

“It’s disturbing to watch, you can obviously tell that somebody has been taking advantage of there,” said the detective.

Det. Krolkosky met with the parents and said it’s not a prank; it’s possibly a crime committed on the boy with autism by a group of juveniles who could face delinquency charges.

A spokesperson for Bay High School, where the victim is a student, said they’re now working hand-in-hand with police as they investigate.

“Obviously, if possible, we do want to hold those individuals accountable for their actions,” said Det. Krolkosky.

The police are just beginning their investigation and we’re told it could take a few weeks to file charges but they have a good idea who was involved.

“The bucket challenge is supposed to be raising awareness for this disease and now they’ve turned it into a sick joke,” said the victim’s mom. “I just can’t understand why kids would do something this cruel.”

The boy’s mom and dad wanted the video released to make other parents aware of bullying so they’ll have a conversation with their kids on how to treat people.

OMG, Who wouldn't want that Kid!!!!

Really?!, Who wouldn't want a teenager who...

Is joyous and laughing most of the time instead of complaining.

Never holds a grudge

Never lied to you.

Never rolled their eyes in disgust, made that awful "tisk" sound with their tongue, or looked at you as if you were crazy because you asked them to do something.

Could not care less about wearing "Labels" to impress their peers.

You can spend $5.00 or $500 for their birthday or Christmas, and they are just as thankful.

Has a great sense of humor.

Always let's their sibling take the front seat!

Isn't embarrassed to be seen with mom.

Has an incredible memory, seemingly fondly remembers everyone they ever met.

Never gossips, or puts down other people.

Judges people based only on how they treat others; not where you live, how you look, how much money you have, how popular you are or what you drive.

Treats everyone the same no matter their race, age, intelligence, or physical appearance.

Would never join a gang or get mixed up in the wrong crowd.

Feels remorse when they make you mad.

Almost never complains about doing daily chores.

Oh, and when they are sick will take really nasty tasking medicine without complaining.





Well I have one, Nick!!

So to all of you who ask "How do you do it?" or think my life is so hard, consider that.

and

because she see's this, even when she wants to toss him out, I also have an angel is his sister!

Riddle Me This- When is it Okay to be Happy Your Son is So Sad he's Crying Hysterically?

When is a mom happy that her son is crying? When her son has autism and he's crying because he knows she's mad at him! It's the best. J 

Who would have ever imagined that I would be watching my son crying deeply sad, almost hysterical sobs and inside I would be saying "Yahoo!!".  

I am so happy. This was a big moment because so many things happened that are an everyday event for neuro typical kids, but not for kids like Nick with autism who lack basic social emotional connections. This is a critical moment because we have been working on helping Nick recognize, understand and hopefully care about the emotions of others for 14 years! It's compassion and empathy that connect human beings and it's where the line is drawn between most of us and dangerous sociopaths. So this event combines critical break through's that keep us from hurting one another. First break through; he knew he had broken the rules and that was a bad thing.  Second, he knew I was angry and he knew he caused it.  Third, and the biggest one of all, he cared that I was upset! He cared how I felt, so much so he broke down in tears. 

I'm sitting here thinking back to the hundreds of times I've faked situations to get a compassionate response and he was totally unresponsive.  I remember throwing myself on the ground in our driveway pretending to be hurt, just to have him walk over me and go in the house. I've pretended to be drowning, having a heart attack or saddened by his actions to get little more than a glance, or he would say "Sad" and walk away. His were observations, not connections and not compassion. Don't get me wrong. If Nick knew he did something wrong based on your response, he could adjust his behavior, but there is a difference between a behavior response, and empathy. 

Until this moment, he's never responded in a way that showed this depth of both empathy and understanding.  Until now, we had no idea that it hurt him to have us angry with him -  not because he would not earn something but - because he cares what we think of him and how we feel.  

Toil, abuse and endurance in the heartland. How is this NOT my son's future?

The 'Boys' in the Bunkhouse

Toil, abuse and endurance in the heartland, sad doesn't quite describe it. However, there seems to be a silver lining thanks to those who care. It's a critical reminder of what can happen to our children when nobody is watching.

This front page article by Dan Barry is the story of dozens of men with intellectual disabilities who were held as virtual slaves in squalid conditions in a small town in Iowa and forced to work at a chicken processing plant for over 30 years.  They were paid a subminimum wage and this case is thought to have influenced President Obama in his recent decision to include people with disabilities in his executive order to raise the minimum wage of employees under federal contracts.  The link includes a 35-minute documentary about the men.  I've taken out the pictures, but they really are important to the story. Worth the read and view... 

THIS LAND By DAN BARRY MARCH 9, 2014

WATERLOO, IOWA — A man stands at a bus stop. He wears bluejeans, cowboy boots, and a name tag pinned like a badge to his red shirt. It says: Clayton Berg, dishwasher, county sheriff’s office.

He is 58, with a laborer’s solid build, a preference to be called Gene and a whisper-white scar on his right wrist. His backpack contains a jelly sandwich, a Cherry Coke and a comforting pastry treat called a Duchess Honey Bun.

The Route 1 bus receives him, then resumes its herky-jerky journey through the northeastern Iowa city of Waterloo, population 68,000. He stares into the panoramic blur of ordinary life that was once so foreign to him.

Mr. Berg comes from a different place.

For more than 30 years, he and a few dozen other men with intellectual disabilities — affecting their reasoning and learning — lived in a dot of a place called Atalissa, about 100 miles south of here. Every morning before dawn, they were sent to eviscerate turkeys at a processing plant, in return for food, lodging, the occasional diversion and $65 a month. For more than 30 years.

Their supervisors never received specialized training; never tapped into Iowa’s social service system; never gave the men the choices in life granted by decades of advancement in disability civil rights. Increasingly neglected and abused, the men remained in heartland servitude for most of their adult lives.

This Dickensian story — told here through court records, internal documents and extensive first-time interviews with several of the men — is little known beyond Iowa. But five years after their rescue, it continues to resound in halls of power. Last year the case led to the largest jury verdict in the history of theEqual Employment Opportunity Commission: $240 million in damages — an award later drastically reduced, yet still regarded as a watershed moment for disability rights in the workplace. In both direct and subtle ways, it has also influenced government initiatives, advocates say, including President Obama’s recent executive order to increase the minimum wage for certain workers.

Overall, the Atalissa case has been a catalyst for change, according to SenatorTom Harkin, Democrat of Iowa, a longtime champion of people with disabilities, who still struggles with what these vulnerable men endured in his home state.

“I hate to see what happened to them,” the senator says. “But, by gosh, something might happen from them.”

The dark tale of Mr. Berg and his work mates has spurred introspection in Atalissa and beyond about society’s perception of those with disability. About what is noticed, what is not and what remains in need of constant vigilance.

“The turkey plant case has really haunted all of us,” says Curt Decker, the executive director of the National Disability Rights Network. “This is what happens when we don’t pay attention.”

This Waterloo bus does not go to Atalissa. But the man in cowboy boots, rocking to its gentle sway, needs only to notice that telltale scar on his wrist, and he is instantly returned.Gene Berg waiting for the Route 1 bus in Waterloo, Iowa, and on his way to his job as a dishwasher at the Black Hawk Sheriff's Office. Nicole Bengiveno/The New York Times

The Scene

A veteran social worker named Denise Gonzales drove past the winter-quiescent fields of 2009 to some town called Atalissa. She had to see for herself what subordinates were telling her.

She pulled uphill to an old schoolhouse, its turquoise exterior garish amid the sleeping acres of snow-dusted brown. She found an open door and stepped into a wonderland nightmare, with walls painted playhouse colors, floors speckled with roaches and the air rank with neglect.

From the squalid building’s shadows emerged its residents, all men, extending hands in welcome, their long fingernails caked with dried blood. A few hands looked almost forked. “From pulling crop,” they explained, a term that she soon learned referred to the yanking of craws from freshly killed turkeys.  

more at http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/03/09/us/the-boys-in-the-bunkhouse.html?_r=0

News: Neighbor Say's "Euthanize Your Son with ASD"....Really? Yes!

Family Of Boy With Autism Receives Shockingly Offensive Letter

 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/19/karla-begley-autistic-letter-teen_n_3780378.html

A disturbing letter targeting a teen with autism has shaken the boy's family and rallied the local community to their defense.

The anonymous note was sent to 13-year-old Max's grandmother's house in Newcastle, Ontario, on Friday. Signed, "One pissed off mother," the letter refers to Max as a neighborhood "nuisance," "retarded" and a "dreadful" noise polluter. A photo of the letter was tweeted over the weekend by YouTube stars Lennon and Maisy, who identify themselves as family friends.

"Personally, they should take whatever non retarded [sic] body parts he possesses and donate it to science. What the hell else good is he to anyone!!!" the letter reads. "Do the right thing and move or euthanize him!! Either way we are ALL better off!!!"

In an interview with Toronto-based station CityNews, Max's mother, Karla Begley, could not keep from crying as she read the section of the letter that suggests she euthanize her son.

"The more you go on, the worse it gets," Begley told CityNews. "Who says that about a child?"

Worried for their safety, the family told CityNews that the police have been contacted, and they would like to press charges if possible. In the meantime, however, the neighborhood has rallied around Max, making a special effort to make him feel welcome in the community, CityNews reported.

On Monday, Yahoo Canada News reported that police are investigating the letter. Spokeswoman Jodi MacLean told the news outlet that law enforcement is taking the threat "seriously."

The original Twitter posting about the note had been retweeted over 3,600 times as of Monday afternoon, with people calling the letter "a shame," "evil" and "hateful." 

What is Autism?

What is Autism?

Yesterdays post “What is Asperger’s Syndrome?” Triggered a lot of emails from people wanting to know “What exactly is autism?”.  Thanks to all of you who stepped up to ask! For those of you who have no idea or are just not quite sure, here’s a definition.  I have to say as a mom of a child with autism, this is a definition and gives you facts, which are good. What it won’t do is help people to grasp how unique each child with autism is, and what it really looks like.  I can’t show you that for every family but I can show you some. To better understand, you need to see what autism looks like. If you want to see what autism looks like up close and personal visit: http://www.youtube.com/user/AutismDayByDay?feature=watch.  Pick a topic and take a peek.

What is Autism? What Causes Autism?

This definition from: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com

Autism is known as a complex developmental disability. Experts believe that Autism presents itself during the first three years of a person's life. The condition is the result of a neurological disorder that has an effect on normal brain function, affecting development of the person's communication and social interaction skills.

People with autism have issues with non-verbal communication, a wide range of social interactions, and activities that include an element of play and/or banter.

What is ASD?

ASD stands for Autism Spectrum Disorder and can sometimes be referred to as Autistic Spectrum Disorder. In this text Autism and ASD mean the same. ASDs are any developmental disabilities that have been caused by a brain abnormality. A person with an ASD typically has difficulty with social and communication skills.

A person with ASD will typically also prefer to stick to a set of behaviors and will resist any major (and many minor) changes to daily activities. Several relatives and friends of people with ASDs have commented that if the person knows a change is coming in advance, and has time to prepare for it; the resistance to the change is either gone completely or is much lower.

Autism is a wide-spectrum disorder

Autism (or ASD) is a wide-spectrum disorder. This means that no two people with autism will have exactly the same symptoms. As well as experiencing varying combinations of symptoms, some people will have mild symptoms while others will have severe ones. Below is a list of the most commonly found characteristics identified among people with an ASD.

Social skills

The way in which a person with an ASD interacts with another individual is quite different compared to how the rest of the population behaves. If the symptoms are not severe, the person with ASD may seem socially clumsy, sometimes offensive in his/her comments, or out of synch with everyone else. If the symptoms are more severe, the person may seem not to be interested in other people at all.

It is common for relatives, friends and people who interact with someone with an ASD to comment that the ASD sufferer makes very little eye contact. However, as health care professionals, teachers and others are improving their ability to detect signs of autism at an earlier age than before, eye contact among people with autism is improving. In many cases, if the symptoms are not severe, the person can be taught that eye contact is important for most people and he/she will remember to look people in the eye.

A person with autism may often miss the cues we give each other when we want to catch somebody's attention. The person with ASD might not know that somebody is trying to talk to them. They may also be very interested in talking to a particular person or group of people, but does not have the same skills as others to become fully involved. To put it more simply, they lack the necessary playing and talking skills.

Empathy - Understanding and being aware of the feelings of others

A person with autism will find it much harder to understand the feelings of other people. His/her ability to instinctively empathize with others is much weaker than other people's. However, if they are frequently reminded of this, the ability to take other people's feelings into account improves tremendously. In some cases - as a result of frequent practice - empathy does improve, and some of it becomes natural rather than intellectual. Even so, empathy never comes as naturally for a person with autism as it does to others.

Having a conversation with a person with autism may feel very much like a one-way trip. The person with ASD might give the impression that he is talking at people, rather than with or to them. He may love a theme, and talk about it a lot. However, there will be much less exchanging of ideas, thoughts, and feelings than there might be in a conversation with a person who does not have autism.

Almost everybody on this planet prefers to talk about himself/herself more than other people; it is human nature. The person with autism will usually do so even more.

Physical contact

A number of children with an ASD do not like cuddling or being touched like other children do. It is wrong to say that all children with autism are like that. Many will hug a relative - usually the mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, teacher, and or sibling(s) - and enjoy it greatly. Often it is a question of practice and anticipating that physical contact is going to happen. For example, if a child suddenly tickles another child's feet, he will most likely giggle and become excited and happy. If that child were to tickle the feet of a child with autism, without that child anticipating the contact, the result might be completely different.

Loud noises, some smells, and lights

A person with autism usually finds sudden loud noises unpleasant and quite shocking. The same can happen with some smells and sudden changes in the intensity of lighting and ambient temperature. Many believe it is not so much the actual noise, smell or light, but rather the surprise, and not being able to prepare for it - similar to the response to surprising physical contact. If the person with autism knows something is going to happen, he can cope with it much better. Even knowing that something 'might' happen, and being reminded of it, helps a lot.

Speech

The higher the severity of the autism, the more affected are a person's speaking skills. Many children with an ASD do not speak at all. People with autism will often repeat words or phrases they hear - an event called echolalia.

The speech of a person with ASD may sound much more formal and woody, compared to other people's speech. Teenagers with Asperger's Syndrome can sometimes sound like young professors. Their intonation may sound flat.

Repetitive behaviors

A person with autism likes predictability. Routine is his/her best friend. Going through the motions again and again is very much part of his/her life. To others, these repetitive behaviors may seem like bizarre rites. The repetitive behavior could be a simple hop-skip-jump from one end of the room to the other, repeated again and again for one, five, or ten minutes - or even longer. Another could be drawing the same picture again and again, page after page.

People without autism are much more adaptable to changes in procedure. A child without autism may be quite happy to first have a bath, then brush his teeth, and then put on his pajamas before going to bed - even though he usually brushes his teeth first. For a child with autism this change, bath first and then teeth, could completely put him/her out, and they may become very upset. Some people believe that helping a child with autism learn how to cope better with change is a good thing, however, forcing them to accept change like others do could adversely affect their quality of life.

A child with autism develops differently

While a child without autism will develop in many areas at a relatively harmonious rate, this may not be the case for a child with autism. His/her cognitive skills may develop fast, while their social and language skills trail behind. On the other hand, his/her language skills may develop rapidly while their motor skills don't. They may not be able to catch a ball as well as the other children, but could have a much larger vocabulary. Nonetheless, the social skills of a person with autism will not develop at the same pace as other people's.

Learning may be unpredictable

How quickly a child with autism learns things can be unpredictable. They may learn something much faster than other children, such as how to read long words, only to forget them completely later on. They may learn how to do something the hard way before they learn how to do it the easy way.

Physical tics and stimming

It is not uncommon for people with autism to have tics. These are usually physical movements that can be jerky. Some tics can be quite complicated and can go on for a very long time. A number of people with autism are able to control when they happen, others are not. People with ASD who do have tics often say that they have to be expressed, otherwise the urge does not stop. For many, going through the tics is enjoyable, and they have a preferred spot where they do them - usually somewhere private and spacious. When parents first see these tics, especially the convoluted ones, they may experience shock and worry.

Obsessions

People with autism often have obsessions.

Myths about autism

A person with autism feels love, happiness, sadness and pain just like everyone else. Just because some of them may not express their feelings in the same way others do, does not mean at all that they do not have feelings - THEY DO!! It is crucial that the Myth - Autistic people have no feelings - is destroyed. The myth is a result of ignorance, not some conspiracy. Therefore, it is important that you educate people who carry this myth in a helpful and informative way.

Not all people with autism have an incredible gift or savantism for numbers or music. People with autism are ordinary people... with autism.

Autism news Medical News Today is a leading resource for the latest headlines on autism. 

ASD's Missing Link: Empathy. Nicky Made A Connection!

I'm in shock! Nicky unprompted, went into the kitchen and put chicken nuggets on the grill. When they were cooked he proceeded to get two plates. He divided the nuggets evenly on the grill, took half off and put them on a plate. Then he took the plate over to his longtime behaviorist "Miss Wendy" said "Thank You" and then went back and put the other nuggets on a plate for himself! This is HUGH. Nicky has NEVER made food for or served anyone other than himself unless we were right over his shoulder telling him what to do, armed with a reinforcer.

Equally miraculous was how he did this, with such ease and non chi lance as if this was just a part of his normal routine. Maybe in his mind, it always has been, he just wasn't able to express it yet.

Good Day!

PS: Another tribute to ABA and the pains of repeating! Never give up!!!

Sudden Burst of Tears - Nicky's emotional burst of Empathy

Nicky will expectingly burst into hysterical crying. It happens about every 2 months. Not a whimper, but the kind of crying that sounds as if he had just broken a bone or something! I try to understand what set him off and often I walk away feeling helpless, because I can not figure out what upset him. Last night, it happened again, and I ran in the room to find him with tears running down his cheeks looking heart broken.  He was on the computer and watching "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer"  and when I said why are you crying he said "Rudolph". I asked "What happened?, What made Nicky sad?" and I pleaded for him to tell Mommy.  He cried and cried and finally said "The Misfits, I'm sad for the Misfits".   

I was sad for Nicky, but I was also proud of him. So often I don't see signs of empathy...this was a sign. He connected with the toy's who didn't fit, and he let his sadness out.