Thursday, June 25, 2009

Evyn Left for Japan Today


Today has been an emotional day. Two icons passed away, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. And, totally unrelated, but emotional for me, today is the day my girl left for Japan. I always viewed Michael as fragile, but didn't expect him to die so suddenly. Farrah's struggle with cancer unfortunately was not just her battle, but put out for the tabloids to exploit, connecting everyone to her pain on some level. The whole day was surreal. Now it’s 8:30. I’ve put Nicky to bed, and I feel the emptiness of not having Evyn here. There is no one to talk to about the events of the day. Even if she was here and doing the teen thing, barricaded in her room, I would be listening for her, cooking for her, telling her "No more snacks,” or reminding her to go to bed, to clean up behind herself. I would have something to do. There’s nothing to do.

Simply put:
• I’m not prepared for the job or the noise to end at 8:30.
• I don’t know what to do with myself.
• I don’t know how to relax – unless it's scheduled.
• Just sitting and watching TV or reading feels weird.
• I feel disoriented, out of place.
• I feel alone.

Is this my introduction to the “Empty Nest” or does it just take a while to change routines?

4 comments:

  1. Oh, Donna. I feel your ambivalence...being Evyn and Nicky's mommy is two full-time jobs, and now one of them has flown away for a couple of weeks, leaving you with only one full-time job.

    You've gotten so used to the adrenaline rush of your life, this one-kiddo thing must be quite a shock to your system!

    I wish I could say something helpful, but I'm facing my own empty nest tomorrow night--and I'm scared. Casey's gone for 3.5 weeks and Ethan leaves tomorrow for 5...the silence in this house will be deafening. I'm trying to look on the bright side--at least I'll get some work done. But I'd rather be a mom!

    Thank goodness you have Nicky there to remind you of what really matters in life--our kids. Always and forever.

    Thank God for our kids...and thank God for you.
    Hugs,
    Your pal in Vermont

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