Thursday, June 25, 2015

The End of A Journey, Son's Aging Out - A Future Fading Away


The End of A Journey, Son's Aging Out - A Future Fading Away

As I walked into summer school with Nick this morning I was hit by a wave of grief, and I didn't know what it was, or why, or where it came from.  I froze, held back tears and struggled to get my balance. I took a deep breath, and then I got it. I was face to face with the end of a journey. Next year Nick will be a senior and all that we have known; in the way of structure, things to do, support and plans based on the possibility of the future, the gift of the unknown will be gone. The future we fought so hard to make as bright and potential filled as possible, is here, and for all of our accomplishments and hard work, my kiddo has arrived at this place, still fully dependent on others and I'm so sad. 

Nick will be a senior, but he won't really graduate, because he's on diploma track. He'll stay in school somewhere for a few more years, but only because there are no options.  If I can't find a better choice for him, he'll be the 20, 21 and 22 year old on a HS campus, the special ed kid who's stuck, the school mascot who stayed behind after the party was over and the image makes me sad.  

Please know I am so grateful he will still have somewhere to go, that he has options, but I am also sad.  At this moment I feel like confirmation that a little dream (hope, prayer or denial) I had deep inside that he would have more, unexpectedly just up and died today! 


I know I have to find another dream, another perspective and I'll get my wind back. Just had to share, to be heard, because I know so many of you appreciate my positivity and a few have asked if I ever just loose it?  The answer is yes, I do. Today I did.  I'll pick myself up, and I'll be good until the next time, the next wave, the next visit with the grief that keeps on giving. 

5 comments:

  1. I can feel your emotions, my son just turned 12. Every I work with to increase some type of small milestone whether in grocery store orin house.He gets some things and others have to be repeated 2000x before AHA mmoment. I still can't guahe where he will be cognitively in 6 years but I put in some with him it literary is exhausting but I know if I didn't put in what I had he wouldn't have come this far..Ex.hanging shirt in hanger has taken 8 months to master. I know with each task it isn't going to be one or ten it could be 200 before its master.I wonder do teachers stop and patents at 25 and say its unattainable. I don't know how I manage but I don't want to look back and say what if. I put in just as much just as a job ..MY ALL. Love your blog..

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