Thank God My Kid Doesn't Do That!

I was asked to re-post this oldie but goody for a mom looking for a laugh. Here goes!

I read where a Mom was asking others to share their funny challenging ASD Kid stories, so she wouldn't feel so alone. As I recalled a few of my own, I realized she had created an opening for a good laugh and an opportunity for us all to say "Thank God My Kid Doesn't Do That"! . Lovingly of course :)


Nicky is obsessed with peoples stomachs(bare and chubby are his favorite) and anything that is not smooth on the skin. Stomachs are for poking, pinching,and pressing his ear against. As for skin, he rips off bandages and wrist bands are a no go. Cuts, rashes and scratches must be played with at all times. He is obsessed with anything that is not smooth on his skin, and he's obsessed with everyone else too. I am always on the look out because I never know what’s going to trigger his “I must go see that up close, touch it and if at all possible remove it!" reaction to other people. It could be anything from a pacifier,tattoo, a bare belly, a scar, a nose ring, or a band-aid.

• One day while standing in line at a store, I looked up to see a women 5 feet away from me and Nicky dressed shorts and a mid drift shirt. Her tummy was exposed and she had hairy legs with a neon band-aid applied on her thigh. OMG. Nightmare!!! When Nicky spotted her, his eyes lit up. I grabbed him tight and held my place in line. While holding on to Nicky, an old neighbor - who happened to be a midget - stopped to say hello. Which briefly distracted Nicky, who stared at him and loudly said “Short, Eat, Grow”. As I tried to recover from “Short, Eat, Grow” I loosened by grip on Nicky and next thing I knew he was standing next to “nightmare”. I could see his little hand sliding up her hairy legs aiming for the band aid. Before she could even register what was happening I bolted around the midget, swooped up Nicky, hurried to the exit while blurting out “Yes, it is a little chilly out for shorts, but some people enjoy the cool air”.

When I reached the safe haven of my car, I took a deep breath, played back the scene in my mind, and laughed a gut wrenching hysterical laugh for ten minutes!


Here are a few more that I hope you can be thankful your kiddo’s doesn’t do!

• Loose Control of his Bladder…On You, at age 10! Nicky likes to crawl into my bed and I woke up to what sounded like water running. But it wasn't water; it was Nicky peeing on me.

• Steal Peoples Food - Nicky thinks nothing of grabbing food that he wants, from anyone anywhere. I am always on the lookout. One day I was chasing him through Chuckie Cheese and as we passed someone’s table Nicky reached out and grabbed a hand full of cake from a kid’s uncut birthday cake, before he even got to blow out the candles!

• Think All Electronics Belong to Him - Nicky escaped from the house and ran naked to a neighbor with just his tattered blanket, and video’s. He went inside their house and proceeded to push their two small children out from in front of their TV, turn off their program, put in his video and have a seat. Horrified the parents ran to my house screaming "Nicky’s here…naked!!! I ran, got Nicky, apologized and tried to explain to the horrified/very confused children.

• Call Strangers “Daddy” - Nicky approaches total strangers, stares them in the face and calls them “Daddy”. It is at best awkward.

• Use anyone for a sensory tool - Nicky has troubles knowing where is body is in space and time, so he needs pressure/input to organize himself. He has some great ways of getting sensory input; he jumps up and down, swings and hides under the cushions of the couch. He also has some embarrassing (and very hard to explain) and not so great ways of getting input; he will grab anyone, hold on to their body and push his groin on their leg - Kinda Doggie Style!. He likes to use girls bottoms as a pillow - after he attempts to lift their up their skirt! It's a skin thing...Yikes.

Needless to say, there is no such thing as a "Dull" outing if Nicky's in tow. LOL

The great part about these stories is they are all really funny after the fact…way after 