He's so big!!! |
For all of you who thought my post on puberty "Boys without
Boundaries" helped you, I have to share that it was perhaps an even
greater help to me! It was like letting go of a secret.
I've always believed that what we can’t put to words, we can’t put
rest. We have to talk about things to really process them. Telling you the
truth made it possible for me to process and let go of some of the shame,
embarrassment, inadequacy and fear that shows up for me as I watch my boy
become a man in a world where he doesn't fit.
For the umpteenth time it was up to me to get out of the
way, and be part of the solution not the emotional mom who unwittingly, and
with all good intentions had become part of the problem. (I hate that!)
Here's what is; Nick is Nick
he doesn't see the world the way I do. I have to constantly remind
myself that I can't superimpose my emotions on him! Once I acknowledged
it was my feelings, ideas, and issues keeping me from doing what’s best
for Nick things started to change. I pushed past my stuff and started
talking about it, and asking more people for help. And perhaps most
important of all I started asking the questions I really didn't want to hear
the answers too, but knew ignorance wasn't going to make it go away.
As of today, none of his behaviors have changed, in fact in
some ways they are worse. Puberty and how fast he's growing is playing a role
in how he responds to medication, so he's way less focused, frustrated and not
sleeping so good. We're working our way through it.
On the upside, I've found that if I prepare myself and
frame the really difficult conversations in clinical talk or humor or pretend
I'm not really taking about my family, I can talk about the tough stuff.
This is good because our team is having direct conversations and as a
result I've asked that they point out when I'm treating him like my baby, and
not like the man he is becoming. None of it's comfortable, and I’m still
not ready for him to grow up. I’m just moving on the path of accepting there’s
not a darn thing I can do about it.
I’ll keep you posted.
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